Men and Mental Health: “Man Up!” Is Not the Solution

“Man up”, “boys don’t cry”, “stop acting like a girl”, “don’t be gay”. Just a few of the many toxic statements that boys and men routinely hear throughout their lifespan. Even through the early years, the suicide rates of boys is already twice as high when compared with that of girls by the tender young age of 10.  This number continues to rise disproportionately well into adulthood with men becoming 4-5 times more likely to die from suicide than women.

These disparities also exist in many other of life’s arenas. Men are less likely to succeed academically. Most of the homeless population are men. Most workplace fatalities are men. Most murder victims are men. Most perpetrators of crime are men. Most victims of serious crimes are men. Most likely to go and die at war are men. Most likely to end up in jail are men. Most likely to remain single are men. Most at risk of isolation are men. Indeed, the age of the boy crisis has long been underway. We have simply arrived late.

How can this be?

Evolutionary, primitive man was regarded as being physically superior. This “apparent” physical superiority was evidenced via increased speed, strength and stamina which resulted in men primarily being tasked with hunting animals for food and defending their loved ones from predators. Unfortunately, it appears that somewhere along this evolutionary trajectory this ‘apparent’ physical superiority channelled its way into the mental arena too. That this mental superiority among men and within society somehow translated into power, toughness, antifemnity, aggression, and dominance. At all costs. Above all else. The birthplace of toxic masculinity.    

Unfortunately, despite the evolution of many aspects of society; it appears that we are still living in the dark ages in relation to toxic masculinity which continues to “flex its muscles” in the 21st century. Toxic masculinity has a lot to answer for. It appears that men have become accustom to hiding their pain and sufferings in an attempt to avoid certain stigma. Robin Williams summed it up beautifully, “all it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.” Ernest Hemingway, Van Gogh, Tim Bergling, George Reeves, Gary Speed, and many others would attest to this too. Surely the short-term cost of engagement largely outweighs the long-term consequences of avoidance? Short-term pain for long-term gain…as the saying goes.    

So, what’s the solution?

The shoulders of men are burdened heavily enough to navigate the toxic masculinity minefield alone. Only a societal effort will suffice. Together we are stronger. Revolution is required. Education is key. A masculinity movement towards interdependence, vulnerability, cooperation, kindness, and softness is long overdue. A movement towards authenticity. Being and becoming who you were always meant to be. Invite your dad, sons, brothers, and friends to join, strangers too.

We are all too human. Fallible. Deserving of having our mental health needs met, regardless. Let’s join forces and end the stigma together. For the benefit of us all; mothers, daughters, and sisters, strangers too.  Although we may have arrived late, it is better late than never.   

Therapy today for a better tomorrow.